


these streets are paved with moments of defeat

by takeitlikeagem (rosesandcinnamon)



Series: we are the crystal gems [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Comfort, F/F, High School AU, Other, Panic Attacks, details below, hoodie sharing, relationship dynamics, sincere talks in the car, this is not a distinct ship fic, to make things clear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-12
Updated: 2015-06-21
Packaged: 2018-03-22 12:11:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3728473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rosesandcinnamon/pseuds/takeitlikeagem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>School is hard for Pearl.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. these streets are paved with moments of defeat

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't write this as specifically Garnet/Pearl, I wrote it as "Garnet is a good friend and comes to help Pearl when she needs her". You can read as much romantic subtext into it as you would like.

Pearl had been anxious all morning to see how she did on the test, hands twisting and fidgeting. At least her first class had been enough to distract her, and Amethyst beside her to remind her she was here.  
  
Pearl thought she was doing better.  
  
She was trying, at the least. She wasn’t convinced that meant anything, but Rose and Garnet and even Amethyst said it did, so she was going to remember that.  
  
She had gotten help from one of Rose’s friends, someone who was really good at math, but she just- no matter how they explained it, she couldn’t grasp these concepts.  
  
It was ridiculous! Math was based on very structured rules and ideas that should be easy to understand! She _liked_ math!  
  
Pearl thought she had done okay on the unit test.  
  
The red marks at the top of her paper said otherwise, and it took her a moment to realize her hands were shaking too much for her to see the comment made in cursive.  
  
Was she going to have a panic attack?  
  
It certainly felt like it.  
  
Pearl carefully set her paper down, and took a deep breath in before slipping out of her seat, pushing the chair in, and walking to the front of the classroom.  
  
Forcing a smile onto her face, she got the teacher’s attention and pointed to the door. Her teacher nodded, and she tried to keep her pace even as she left.  
  
Her hands were curled so tightly into her palms, her close-cut fingernails left crescent marks in the skin.  
  
Going down the stairs seemed to be more of a chore than it should have been- then again, everything seemed to be harder for Pearl. She leaned on the banister to keep her upright, vision too blurry to keep track of her feet stumbling down the steps.  
  
She was lucky to make it into the bathroom before starting to cry. Breathing through her mouth as all the anxiety and worry and anger and emotion washed through her,she went into the third stall.  
  
Pearl had to push away the nagging thoughts of germs and disgusting things as she pressed her back to the door, inhale sounding more like a sob.  
  
She covered her face, brushing tears away with the heels of her hands, breaths coming too fast to be useful. The cold metal felt soothing through the thin material of her t-shirt, and that was nice, but something was lodging in her back pocket. She felt for it with shaking hands, and- well that was ridiculous, of course it was her phone.  
  
Her thoughts stopped in their tracks when she was reminded of something.  
  
Her phone meant other people. Other people meant Garnet.  
  
She could text her. Garnet could help more than silent bathrooms and cold metal doors ever could.  
  
Oh, but class was going on without her, and she couldn't ask Garnet to just leave for her-  
  
_"Do you promise you'll let me know when you need help?"_  
  
_"Well, I- you don't-"_  
  
_"Pearl."_  
  
_"I promise."_  
  
Pearl remembered her soft voice, warm hand on hers, and let out a shuddering sigh.  
  
She had promised.  
  
\-------  
Garnet sat in class, foot tapping as she sketched lines and shapes in the margin of her paper, barely focused on the video. Her phone buzzed, and she scooted it out of her binder.  
  
Her foot stilled when she read the new message.  
  
Garnet shoved herself out of the chair, going to the teacher's desk and asking to go to the restroom. He agreed, and when she was out of sight of the classroom, her walk became a quick jog through the hallways.  
  
The bathroom she headed towards was at the other end of the school, but she got there sooner than Pearl had expected.  
  
Garnet breathed in as she pushed the door open, calling for her.  
  
Pearl sobbed at the sound of her voice, turning to unlock the door.  
  
She took two shaky steps out, and Garnet wanted to cry herself at seeing how upset Pearl was. She closed the space between them, feeling long fingers close in the fabric of her hoodie.  
  
Garnet was so warm and solid and the smell of her hoodie was so familiar. It was comforting, but Pearl fought back a sob as she pressed her face into her neck.  
  
Garnet held her, arm around her waist, gentle hand stroking fine hair.  
  
"Breathe, Pearl."  
  
Her shallow, quick breathing hitched as she tried to calm her panicking lungs, and felt Garnet inhale, belly breathing like Pearl had taught her when they were in acting together.  
  
She copied the movement, finally getting some air.  
  
Garnet smoothed down the fabric of her shirt, breathing deeply in a count- inhaling, holding, exhaling. Pearl continued to follow the movement, and although tears were still falling, panic wasn't the first thing on her mind anymore.  
  
For a while, they stood there, breathing, until Garnet asked a quiet question.  
  
"What happened?"  
  
She whispered "Math test" into Garnet's neck, and felt her nod.  
  
"Do you want to skip class?"  
  
Pearl shook her head, sick at the thought of class, but sicker at the thought of missing more.  
  
"Okay."  
  
They stand together a little while longer, waiting until Pearl quieted, stepping back on her own and rubbing her face.  
  
"Take my hoodie."  
  
Garnet pulled it over her head, shirt underneath riding up.  
  
"Garnet, tank tops aren't dress code-"  
  
She shrugged, shaking the jacket out and handing it to Pearl, her familiar no-nonsense look on her face.  
  
"I know you like this one. I can raid Amethyst's locker."  
  
Pearl sniffed at that, sliding the hoodie over her head. It settled on her shoulders, draping over her smaller frame. She shoved her hands in the pocket, corner of her mouth twitching up.  
  
"It looks ridiculous on me."  
  
Garnet brushed her hair back into place, unreadable expression on her face.  
  
"One thing at a time."  
  
Pearl nodded, hands twisting together.  
  
"I'll be fine."  
  
They left the bathroom, and Garnet watched Pearl go up the stairs before heading back to her class.

 


	2. i'm like the dead sea

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes being helped is harder than the actual hurt itself.
> 
> also, for real, FUCK PAST TENSE.
> 
> For the record, Rose and Pearl aren't together. Their relationship is beyond platonic, but it isn't romantic, if that makes sense. They care about each other too much to worry about how it's presented, even if Pearl does have feelings for her.
> 
> Song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUaExjMc3IY

Pearl walked slowly on the way back to class, hands in the pocket of Garnet’s hoodie.

A whisper of her name caught her attention, and she looked up just before she ran into Rose.

“Oh- Rose-”

“I saw you leave, but I didn’t catch you in time.”

She paused as if Pearl was going to explain, but she ducked her head, scrunching down into the hoodie.

"What's wrong?"

Why did this always happen?

She didn't want to talk about it. She never wanted to talk about it. Her thoughts were poisonous enough for herself, and no one else deserved to deal with her negativity.

Rose was looking at her, and Pearl's fingers twisted together.

"I have to go back to class."

She avoided her gaze, not wanting to see the worry she caused her, and after a soft "well, alright,'" Pearl slipped by her and down the hallway.

\--

Rose stared after Pearl, concerned for her friend.

It’d been a while since she’d had a bad bad day.

Did anyone else know?

Back in class, Rose slid her phone out of her binder, and texted Garnet.

[Rose: Is something going on with Pearl?]

It buzzed soon after, and she kept it hidden.

[Garnet: yeah. panic attack. she actually texted me for once.]

Trying to keep the texting stealthy, Rose’s response was simple.

[Rose: DDDDDDDDDDDD:]

She had been half-heartedly reading in the textbook like she was supposed to, but now she was focused on Pearl.

Pearl was so _wonderful_ and she just didn’t see any good in herself that Rose saw, and- it was so frustrating.

Rose just wanted her to be happy.

Her phone buzzed again.

[Garnet: i did what i thought would help most. at lunch maybe you can talk with her?]

She smiled, ever so slightly.

There was a lot unsaid there.

[Rose: I’ll do my best.]

\--

Time slipped away from her.

Either she looked up at the clock and it hadn’t moved, or it was fifteen minutes later than she had thought.

Pearl sighed, settling back against the seat, folding her arms together, trying to ease the weird blurry edges feeling.

She wished she didn’t have to be in class.

With that thought, the bell rang.

Startled by it, Pearl gathered her things, and left.

Rose was waiting for her by the door.

“Hey.”

Pearl looked down, slipping into the crowded hallway with a quiet “hi”. Rose followed closely, enough to give her space.

“Do you-”

She sighed, and gently nudged her way into the space next to Pearl.

“Do you want to come eat with me in the car?”

Pearl glanced at her, fighting against the impulse to say no.

“Okay.”

Rose smiled, specifically for her, and for a second, Pearl smiled back.

\--

Pearl got her lunch out of her (very organized) locker, and after they stopped Steven to let him know they wouldn’t be in the cafeteria, the two went out into the parking lot. Rose grabbed her lunch from the back before joining Pearl in the front seat.

They talked idly for a few minutes, falling into a silence that Rose hated to break.

“Pearl- you’re not feeling great today, I know.”

She made a scrunched up face, already not liking the conversation.

“Will you talk to me about why?”

Rose watched Pearl sigh, settling back against the seat, and knew it wouldn’t be easy.

“I don’t really want to…”

“Why not?”

“It’s not gonna help,” she said, and could have continued: _I don’t need to waste your time with my problems, you don’t have to deal with this._

“You don’t know that for sure, you never talk about it.”

Pearl glanced at her.

“I guess.”

They sat quietly for a minute, Rose trying to find a different way to say what she meant.

She found it.

“Do you remember that one boy who constantly picked on Amethyst when we were in middle school?”

Pearl nodded, a little confused with the sudden change in conversation.

“We hated him so much, because he treated our friend horribly. We got rid of him eventually, but he still made her feel badly. So we helped her understand that nothing he said actually defined her in any way, and after a while it didn’t hurt as much anymore.”

They look at each other.

“Me, or Garnet, or Amethyst, or Steven, you wouldn’t let anyone treat us badly, you would do anything to help us, right?”

She nodded again, and Rose gently, gently touched her face.

“Why don’t you let us help you like that, Pearl?”

She couldn’t stop herself from crying.

Rose wiped her tears away, holding back a sniffle.

“You don’t have to do anything on your own if you don’t want to.”

Pearl shook her head, setting her food down.

“It’s- it’s different,” and Rose pursed her lips, and she _knew_ what she was saying wasn’t right, but she had already started. “You don’t need to deal with all of my problems, you don’t need all of _this_ , it’d just bring you down and I’m already bad enough about that, I know I’m not the most fun to be around.”

Pearl squeezed her eyes shut, not wanting to see her expression.

Rose kept her tone even and kind, avoiding making Pearl think she was angry with her.

“I _want_ to help. I’d really like to make everything easier for you, and I don’t have cool space powers that can just make life better, I don’t have magical healing tears- though, I mean, I wish I did. Anyway. I want to help you, and the best thing I can do is listen. I’m _good at it_.”

“No, no, I know you _can_ help- I just-”

“Tell me.”

Her voice was very small.

“I don’t want you to.”

“Why not?”

Pearl spoke without any forethought.

“Because you could be spending your time on someone who deserves it!”

Tears fell onto the borrowed hoodie as Rose closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

“What has _ever_ \- Pearl, you’re my best friend, no one deserves my time more than you! Just let me _help_ , it would make you feel better!”

“Why is this so important to you?”

“Because _you’re_ important to me!”

Rose and Pearl looked at each other through teary eyes on both ends, and Rose smiled at her.

“Maybe we should talk about this another time?”

Pearl nodded, starting to clear the trash from their lunches away.

“Hey, hey, don’t bother with that, come here.”

Rose moved their leftovers, and scooted closer to Pearl.

It was a little awkward in the front of the car, but Rose held her, warm and soft and safe, and her hugs had always been Pearl's favorite.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last bit will come soon.


	3. its killing me to see you this way

The rest of the day was not better.

Talking with Rose was just- it helped, kind of. Maybe.

Pearl didn’t really know.

The rest of the day passed in a blur.

\--

Amethyst was having a pretty good day. It was Friday, she didn’t have homework, and life was great- except someone was being a fuckin’ sad sack.

She knew she didn’t really display that she cared for her friends, and when she did, maybe not in the best way, but she cared a lot.

Pearl didn’t talk on the way to Garnet’s. She stared out the window, folding herself small into the seat. The chatter in Rose’s car was quiet, mostly just Steven and Rose in the front seat talking about- something, Amethyst wasn’t really paying attention.

Something was up with Pearl, and it wasn’t good.

They got to Garnet’s house, and the two of them said goodbye to Rose and Steven. Pearl just grabbed her bag and waved slightly.

Garnet unlocked the door and slung her bag down, stretching to crack her back.

“I need to go shower. Amethyst, you can eat whatever’s in the kitchen.”

“Sweet.”

Pearl put her bag against the wall gently, feeling unbalanced without its weight. Garnet touched her shoulder, light warmth comforting.

Amethyst threw herself into the couch, shoving a sandwich into her mouth.

“Come watch something with me.”

Pearl sighed, sitting next to her as she turned the Wii on.

“If I have to.”

Looking at her out of the corner of her eye, Amethyst opened Netflix, selecting the “AME IS RAD” profile. She continued eating, and chose a particular show.

“Amethyst- you hate HGTV-”

“Yeah, whatever.”

They watched it quietly, Pearl slumping over to rest on her as she grew tired.

“Man, just come here.”

Amethyst pulled on her, Pearl ending up with her head on her lap. She tried to protest, but Amethyst threw a blanket over her.

“I know today wasn’t good. I’ll wake you up later, okay?”

She muttered something back, and fell asleep to the sounds of the TV and Garnet singing in the shower.

Amethyst didn’t change the show, but simply coaxed all the knots out of soft strawberry blonde hair and wondered how else she could help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the show Amethyst puts on for Pearl is like, House Hunters, or Property Brothers.


End file.
